Dwell in Darkness
by Elizabeth Middleford
Summary: I had always wanted pain. I held on to my hatred, knowing the consequences. Now, I finally have it. But not for long. HE is there. HE will not let it happen. Yet... HE wishes only for me to... Smile. It's excruciating to believe that he thought it would ever ring true.
1. Prologue

I never expected this. It was all so sudden. Being killed before realizing that I'd lived. Being alive before realizing I deserved to die. I should have. With them. What is this life, anyways? Is it just for satisfaction of being alive and not accepting defeat? Just a while ago before it happened; that was when I accepted death. But it will never come to me, will it? Or it will strike me in my sleep, calmly and painlessly. It will gently caress me in my dreams and quickly turn on me, being everything I'd never wished it would be. I detest the very fact that I, myself, will suffer a nonbelligerent ending. It only seems so that I may even experience such a thing as an end to my life. I refuse to believe I am even "living" at present. The horrible existence of the being I call "myself" is not a life, nor deserving to label itself as one. I desire pain and punishment. I desire torture and hatred towards myself. But the strongest true pain I feel, or ever will, is simply being alive. I believe, myself, that I deserve a fate worse than death. But it will never be graced upon me, for he will forever stay by my side. And I, Ciel Phantomhive, both detest and necessitate that.

It is, of course, my destiny.

Hii! Sorry this chapter was short! :((( I'll be continuing this one more often than the others, cuz the other ones are on my computer (which is pretty much broken atm). Sooo, I'll get back to you soon! ;) Goodbye, my wonderful sheep.


	2. Alone and Afraid

I looked up, hearing that familiar knock on the door.

"Come in," I spoke blankly. The door creaked open and my butler, Sebastian Michaelis, entered the study. I was only looking over paperwork, and it wasn't of much importance.

"Young Master, today you have a profiterole, a common french pastry. It is a choux pastry ball filled with whipped cream, with a light dusting of powdered sugar and a light coating of chocolate fondue," he smiled that mocking smile that I hated and loved. He was there. He was real. He cared.

"Yes, thank you, Sebastian," I muttered. He gently lifted a small teacup off of a tray. From the aroma, it was obviously Earl Grey. He poured it into my cup, as well as spilling it all over my desk. "Sebastian!"

"Hm? Oh! Dear, forgive me, young master. I was in thought at the moment," Sebastian frowned. I stared at him, trying my hardest to appear unconcerned.

"Then clean it up already," As I said the words, the desk in front of me disappeared and reappeared, good as new. It was always like that. He wouldn't let anything have even a speck of dirt or rubbish. I stood up, staring him straight in the face. He almost looked... Afraid..? My eyes were red now, I assumed. I sat back down, instead of going on and smacking him.

"Young Master, may I ask you a question?" he whispered.

"What?"

"Do you... "want" me here?"

"No."

"... Alright..."

And that was one of my biggest mistakes. I thought he meant if I wanted him in the study at the time, not if I wanted him to stay by my side. Now, it's been precisely six months and eleven days. I've been stuck in my bedroom with a horrid illness, all caused by my journey to recover my lost butler. I found myself constantly worrying, clutching my pillow like it was the one string that tied me to sanity. I called his name when I woke up in the morning, expecting him to walk through the door with his mocking smirk. I missed that. Lizzy came by a few times to check up on me and take care of me. Grell stood by my bed and told me stories. I forgot how to walk after a time. The redheaded reaper who was once a nuisance to me was now a friend of mine. He stayed in my parents' old room, which was rebuilt after the fire. He took care of me. To be honest, it was nice. I liked waking up to his breakfasts. But that was it. I just sat up, ate my food, looked at Grell, and listened to his fairytales. It was the only thing I had to look forward to.

After a few weeks, Grell started to dress me and take me out to eat or for walks. I started to... smile more often. It was rare, but it happened at least a few times. Lizzy was happy to see that. It was all going quite exquisitely. The problem was Sebastian wasn't there. Sometimes when I felt skeptical he'd never come back, I'd ask Grell to hand me a mirror. I took my eyepatch off and checked my right eye. The contract was still there, so I grasped that tiny spark of hope that he'd come back. I knew he would, after all. He wouldn't let me stay in fear forever. I... I just know it.

Then, I started having nightmares. I heard his voice, and felt his touch on my cheek or neck. After that, he'd just disappear. I was left screaming his name. I always woke up, breathing heavily and in tears. Grell used to pick me up when that happened, and gently caress me back to sleep. I felt like a child, but it really did help.

The worst memory of that time was when everything disappeared. I called Grell's name, but he was nowhere to be seen. I looked outside of the window, but no Midford carriage was parked. There were no servants downstairs ruining the manor. There was no stupid old man drinking japanese tea and laughing idiotically. Most importantly, there was no Sebastian. I was alone. Completely alone. And here I am now, telling you this story. I have nobody anymore. They all left. Everyone does eventually. Every second. Someone leaves. No traces of existence. No "goodbye" note. They just pack their bags and walk away.

And I, Ciel Phantomhive, refuse to accept that.

**Heyyy again! Hope you like the story! ;) From now on, it's going to be in present tense. Sooo thanks for reading! R&R! ****さよなら！**


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